Leaving

Watching the clock on the wall
Been a while since you’ve called
I cant help but wait
It’s late and i cant get into sleep
Something’s different this time
It just doesnt feel right
Have we broken in two?
Am i really gonna lose you tonight?
You come walking in
Tears in your eyes
Pretending like its alright
But i know you’re leaving
I know that smile
I can tell you’ve been crying
You’re gonna say goodbye
I wish i could stop you but you’ve made up your mind
I beg you dont go
But i already know you’re leaving
Where does the time go?
Between goodbye and hello
How did we come to this? Is there something we missed
Along the way
With your bag at the door
I wanna pull you in close
And hold you once more even though
Chorus
Here comes the sleepless nights
Here comes the tears im gonna cry
Here comes the last goodbye leaving us behind
Oh this cant be right
Chorus to end

One thing I never like in this life is saying goodbye. We often use that word everyday though. Parents go to work, children go to school, children go home from school, end up conversation with boyfriend on phone at night, finish the lecture or party, etc. For them above, we always say goodbye. So, whats the point then? I say it everyday but i never like goodbye. Is it only because I see it from different point of view? Maybe. Sometimes a word feels stronger when we put a tension on it. You know, how many ‘hello’ do we say everyday? And can u still feel the difference between the usual hello and hello to an old friend that u havent met for a long time? Or maybe with ur ex boyfriend? I bet the sensation is much different and so is with goodbye.

Mr. Goodbye is one of my favorite Korean dramas. It was a sad ending drama. I cried a lot when i watched it. The dying man in this film never said goodbye directly to his girlfriend. In his heart, he wanted to stay for one more hour to be with his lover. This story is much different with the one that I recently read. I have just read Tuesdays with Morrie. Morrie wasnt afraid to say goodbye and he did it in a special way. He put Mitch’s hand on his chest, right on his heart, and said ‘this is goodbye’. Well, I know that u can see the difference. Hyun Seoh wanted to live as he had found what he’d been longing for whereas Morrie was so willing to let his soul go since he had enjoyed his own life. There are many ways to leave this world but for me there are only 2 choices. You can beg for a bit longer life or you accept ur death without fighting.

I always wanna be Morrie. I wanna die without regret. Morrie shew me the way. In order to get a willingness like he once had, I have to enjoy every breathe that I take. It seems so cliche, easy, and ignored but if you really do it, you will know that Morrie was right. Well, i’ll make it simple. Have you ever thought to go back to the past? Have u ever envied someone younger? If so, ask to yourself then, why? For me, I also ever felt the same, it was because I felt that there was something missing in my past. One thing that I wasnt brave enough to do. Something that I never ask clearly to someone. Something that I could’ve never had again. One thing that I always feel sorry for till today. And that something missing has made me to be someone like Hyun Seoh. I substitute something I never have with something else and it doesnt satisfy me in any way. I think I’ve become frozen for some things. For exampe, I never let myself give a second chance for man. How pity I am.

I know its hard to pure myself anymore. But I still have choices for the way I die and I’ve decided to die without regret. The way I leave must be the best way I can do. So from now on, I promise to myself to enjoy every second I have. I havent been able to make it perfectly yet but we’re all learning. Dont get me wrong, I’m not depressed ;p. I just wanna tell you that death isnt that evil, it can be a present for some people. And i wanna be a part of those lucky people.

Byeee.. See you later!