Resident's Life

I am currently in my fourth semester of Internal Medicine residency. And since I've experienced a lot of things with it, I think I have to share you a little about it.

Only a little? Yup as residency is a personal thing. What happened to me might not happen to you as well. So I just want to share you all a little about it from my point of view.

Residency might be a mainstream pathway for some people but in my view, to become a resident means you have more passion in clinical things. And when we talk about passion, we no longer have mainstream word in our dictionary. That's what you want and you set your eyes on it. That's it.

What is so interesting about residency?

Residency is an educational world for adult. You'll find a very different learning situation than the one you got in undergraduate program. And the most interesting part is in residency you teach and are taught at the same time. The biggest enemy you could find is yourself.

How come?

As we get older, our ego seems to get higher as we feel that we've experienced much. We feel so smart and independent. In residency, we'll meet a lot of people with various backgrounds, ages, and characteristics. Sometimes you start it late and you have a bossy senior who is much younger than you and you have to deal with her everyday. Sometimes you start it too soon and you can't resist everything that others ask you to do. Sometimes you're not lucky and your mistake is blown up and you must face an exhausting awkward relationship with your supervisor. The best and also the worst part of residency is you can't lie about yourself here. The big pressure will force you to show who you really are.

Have I ever thought to quit?

I have.. once. That was when  thought that this had been beyond my limit. I just wanted to go anywhere but hospital. But then I thought that I wouldn't be happy by writing my resignation letter. I would only make some people out there laugh their asses off and I would just be a villain so I choose to stay.

How to cope with all the craps?

Hmmm.. I suggest you to have someone you can trust to. To share all your stories and to ease your pain. Residency is a mini reality of the world. As in the real life you can't make everyone happy, in this absurd world you can't either. Here you'll find a best friend, a colleague, an enemy, and a hater. The key is to face it with wisdom. Slowly but sure you'll learn about which things you have to take seriously and which ones you should let go.

If there's one thing you have to keep in mind is there's no comfortable learning process in this world. As long as you're a student, insecurity will always haunt you. So be brave and remember why you choose this way at the very first.

As a student I struggle a lot too. But those struggling often sends me to one contemplation to another and makes me know who I am and what I need. What else can be more important than that?

我回来了

I AM BACK

Ngga nyangka udah meninggalkan blog ini selama hampir 5 tahun. Dan selama 5 tahun itu saya udah mengembara kemana-mana untuk mencari jati diri hehe..

Hmm where should I start?

Blog terakhir saya tulis sehari setelah Hendra meninggal dan sejak saat itu saya bertahan untuk nonton bola sendirian walaupun mungkin dia satu-satunya alasan kenapa saya nonton Spiderman so when he left, I stopped watching it too. Awalnya memang berat ketika kehilangan sahabat untuk selamanya. It's like you have no home to go back to. Apalagi ketika itu my love life wasn't good, I was so depressed and I couldn't talk to anyone about it. Saat itu yang saya butuhkan hanya komen rasional Hendra mengenai hidup saya yang chaos.

Well setelah kehilangan arah tanpa Hendra selama 2 tahun dengan semua drama cinta yang bikin saya juga ngga habis pikir kenapa saya mati-matian harus mempertahankan (mantan) pacar saya, memusuhi semua orang, dan membuat hidup saya jadi ngga tenang. But that's life. We can't be smart and in love at the same time. Akhirnya setelah 2 tahun pacaran tanpa arah akhirnya saya dan mantan memutuskan untuk berpisah dan menerima kenyataan kalo si mantan udah punya yang baru. Saya menjaga jarak melalui jawaban-jawaban singkat saya dan tidak jarang saya mengacuhkan komentar-komentarnya di sosmed. Well, kita kan udah ngga sama-sama lagi. Lagipula saat itu saya merasa perasaan saya sudah terlalu dalam dan kami sudah saling menyakiti hati masing-masing sehingga saya butuh ruang untuk berkontemplasi dan menemukan diri saya lagi. Saat itu saya menyibukkan diri dengan bekerja dan menyiapkan diri masuk ppds. Hingga suatu hari si mantan ini menghubungi saya dan mengabari bahwa dia akan menikah (bukan ngundang yaa.. saya ngga pernah diundang ke acara nikahan dia hehe..). I never know what I exactly felt by then. It was like all the emotions in the world held me at the same time dan saya cuma bisa membalas chat dia tanpa merasakan apa-apa. Seperti seluruh spektrum warna yang diputar cepat dan menghasilkan warna putih. Saya mulai tersadar ketika dia meminta maaf ke saya di akhir pembicaraan kami. Aneh sih menurut saya.. ngapain juga minta maaf ke saya setelah semua yang terjadi. Setelah kami nyaris tidak berhubungan dengan pantas selama 5 bulan terakhir. Setelah dia menolak untuk kembali dan memikirkan kembali hubungan kami. But maybe I just had a relationship with a clumsy person karena setelah beberapa bulan pernikahannya dia nge-unfriend semua sosmed saya. LOL. Fixlah kalo we aren't meant to be together..

Nah setelah bifurcatio perasaan yang berakhir dengan saya yang akhirnya harus sendiri lagi, saya mulai lupa soal cinta-cintaan karena diterima sekolah lagi, tepatnya Januari 2015. Di residensi inilah saya merasakan dampak blog Coincidence yang saya tulis 5 tahun yang lalu. Sebenernya saya masuk ppds dengan niat untuk jadi SpPD. Ngga ada niat sama sekali untuk cari jodoh karena saat itu saya juga merasa belum siap untuk pacaran lagi. But life is always full of surprise. When love was the last thing on my mind, a pair of too beautiful eyes got me at the very first sight. Untuk cerita lengkapnya akan saya ceritakan di blog selanjutnya berhubung sekarang ada referat MDR TB yang ngejar-ngejar saya hehe..

Gone Too Soon

I used to have a friend.. A very best friend named Hendra. We met in the junior high school for the first time. We made friends and we got into the same class in our third grade. We entered the different high school but we met again in university. I noticed him as a very good person, cool, smart, and he knew how to behave. We used to be in the same path but then I took a different one and he just commented it in an ordinary way. Just like nothing happened. It impressed me much considering that many people thought that I'd chosen a wrong way.

When we spent our university life in Jogja, we'd done many things together. He helped me in everything, we shared laughs, we argued for some unimportant things.... we had fun together. I never like action movie. I still remember how I told him that I never finished watching Spiderman and out of sudden he 'accompanied' me watching it till the end by kept talking to me via text message. I won't forget his 'congratulation' for me for finally finishing that movie..

He knew everything that I didn't and he made me feel comfortable by his side. For me, he was a brother. He made me watch Robin Hood and Sherlock Holmes. He just smiled seeing me bored in the middle of Robin Hood movie. Some people said that he often sent a sharp comment although I didn't think that it was. Maybe that was something that made me feel comfortable by his side.

He might be a reserved person but he sometimes surprised me with a special thing he did. I was watching tv that night when I received his message. He said that he was in town and would bring me ice cream. I thought it was a joke so I didn't believe it. A day after, he kept saying that so that I challenged him to visit me at home and bring the ice cream. He said 'please wait for 30 mins'. I waited for 30 minutes, opened the door, and there he was.. in front of me with the ice cream basket. I was really surprised and I said 'how come?'.. He just said 'See.. I've told you to just believe..' and he smiled.

Hendra loved football. His favorite team was Barcelona and his fave national team was Spain. When world cup or euro cup hit the world, we became enemy since I supported Germany. We used to watch regular league when I studied in the midnight. In this case we became partner in crime so that we didn't argue anything by that time. When I visited Barcelona last March, I bought him some souvenirs and he said that the FCB plastic bag was the best plastic bag he'd ever had. He seemed very happy by that time. I gave it to him right before he went back to Samarinda and it was our last meeting. It was the last time I saw him smile to me. I'd never thought that our goodbye would be the real goodbye..

And now... that amazing man has gone. He struggled for his life and I wasn't there for him when he gave up. There won't be 'hoi hoi' (the way he started our convo) anymore.. There won't be a news about Spiderman. There won't be book discussion anymore and so on. He's gone first without saying anything. I just want him to come to my dream and have one last talk with me..

Bye Nda.. You'll be missed a lot.. x

Guest House

Life's like a roller coaster lately.. Too many people come into my life and make me think harder. This situation reminds me to Rumi's poem, Guest House.

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

The last part is my favorite since too many people come into my life only to say hello, take a rest for a while, and go away. But this man has come into my life and he brings me to the places that I've never known before.. A man who impolitely steals my heart, pulls me to run with him, and never let me breath for a while. He's my special guest right now and I hope he would stay forever in my guest house.. I'm totally in love!

A Man Like Him

I pray to God for a very kind man who will be by my side to face this cruel world. I pray for a man who will make me wanna do anything for him and vice versa. I pray for a smart man who will teach me anything and understand me inside out and outside in. I pray for a brave man who will take me if he really loves me. He will say 'i love you' right in front of me and make it come true. I need a wise man to tell me when I'm wrong. A bit fierce man will be good. I don't need flirting, I don't need too many signs.. If he's sure, just come and say.. I'll appreciate it more..

Second Chance

Have you ever thought about giving a second chance for someone? I often think about it. In this cruel world, we can find this problem anytime, anywhere. So, I learn from the best teacher, experience. I've decided to give second chance for everything but love and credibility matter.

Life has taught me that giving the second chance to love is something useless because you'll get nothing but heartache. I'm not speculating. I'm saying the truth as I've ever given a second chance to someone and we didn't work it out. And what would be left then? You'll find yourself wasting your time to wish she/he'd be back to you again. You start to see everything in different way. You pass the ice cream store and it'll remind you about your first date. You're cursed! So, here I suggest you to leave your past as soon as possible. The used love story is just an old story. No matter how hard he/she tries for a comeback, it wouldn't mean anything in the end.

Now, talking about a credibility. For me, there's no difference among bestfriend, friend, acquaintance, and enemy if they betray the credibility that I've given to them. No one can guarantee that they won't do the same in the future. So, before you get more upset, you'd better leave! It's not easy but you know you won't get second heartache from them. You're saving your own life :D

I think that's all.. For other things in life, it's ok for me to give people a second chance. We can't be that strict for other things as we often need a second chance too..

Road to be a 20 yo girl (or woman?)

Hello folks :)

It's April! A special month for me as I'm gonna be a 20-year-old girl (or woman? lol) this month. What's so special about it? well, a lot. People usually start to get their first salary in their 20 something, they start to think about getting married (you're too young to get married in your 10s and too old in your 30s. So, 20 something is a right choice), and people usually decide to be completely independent in this age. That's why I'm so excited about being a 20-year-old huehehehe..

I really wanna look at my past. Wondering about things that I've ever done back then. I'm gonna be totally honest here hehehe..

I started my education life when I was 2 yo. I entered the preschool program only to find out that it was boring. I didn't want to continue my education to kindergarten and I asked to enter the elementary school when I was 4 yo. I did it! Thanks to the kind headmaster, Mr. Pius Batata :).

I moved to Samarinda (from Makassar) when I was 5 yo. I spent my childhood and teen life there. I met my first boyfriend there as well. Such a very kind humble smart boy and we're still friends till now. He makes me know how life could be and how God sometimes doesn't say yes for something (we think) perfect. And to be honest, it was really hard to forget him. But I think I've done it already now.

I knew that I wanna be a doctor when I was 4 yr old. I never know the reason why but now I know that I've chosen the best way for me. This is the place where I wanna be. A big choice that I will never regret for. I entered med school when I was 16 yo and it took 3,5 years to be in this position hehe.. I still had a love life in med school. A one-week-old love life precisely. Such a tragic thing but no need to feel sorry about that. It was a lesson. That I must do a strict fit and proper test for my husband candidate huehehehe.. Fyi, I'm single right now ;p

I love math. I love counting. When I was child, I imagined that I'd go to Europe someday. Maybe in my 20s or 30s but God said no (again) and granted me a better thing. I did my first Europe trip few weeks ago (remember that I'm now still 19 yo). Haha.. nothing I can say but alhamdulillah, all praise is due to Allah :D. I reckon nobody had ever thought about that for this little spoiled girl.

But life isn't always about achievement. Life is about ups and downs. I stumbled and fell down for many many times but when you have a good foothold, you won't be afraid of anything. Valentino Rossi ever said 'Fear is friend.' and it's what I exactly will do.

So, am I mature enough to be a 20 yo one? Well, you decide. I don't think I have been but I'm trying. At least I've decided that I'm gonna get married when I'm 27 yo. I know that I wanna be a cardiologist. I really wish to study in South Korea and Europe. I wanna be God's lucky guest in Makkah. I wanna take a picture with the Liberty statue in US. I wanna be the best wife and mother for my husband and children. I wanna be the best doctor for my patients. And I wanna live my life in a right way..

Now, I have no idea about what to share anymore. I just wanna say my great gratitude to Allah SWT, my parents, my sister, gs3, my best friends, anyone who helps me, my first bf, Valentino Rossi and last but not the least thanks to the readers! :D

This February is really.........

I started this February with thesis examination on February 1st, 2011. I spent many sleepless nights for this examination. The exam was almost perfect but my methodology examiner couldn't come so I had to repeat my exam with him on February 4th, 2011. But those sleepless nights really said something. I did the exam and got "A" :D.

The thesis examination wasn't an end. I still got to do 2 block exams next on. Well, I haven't got the results but I really hope that everything will be alright. While waiting for the results, I must prepare myself for the Comprehensive OSCE. The exam that we all have to go through in order to enter the clinical rotation. This examination really made me crazy as I'm always nervous on stage.

And yesterday was the day.. The OSCE.. I thought I did it well enough but the spesific exam station. I did the eye examination but I forgot to do the system review and I did the next station exam with 'you didn't make it' phrase in my mind.. Oh, it was terribly horrible. In the end of examination, I heard from my friend that they changed the assessment system and I think I still have an opportunity to pass this exam. Well I just hope for the best and prepare for the worst. You know, I never really wish for something like I wish for passing this exam in one shot.

My February hasn't ended yet. I still have thesis revision to work on, TOEFL test to do, an academic meeting and a seminar to attend. I also have to prepare my next month trip to Europe which means I must work on my poster presentation as soon as possible.. Well, c'est la vie!

Express Tour in Melbourne

Spring, November 2010..

My cousin was getting married in Melbourne so I skipped some classes and went to Melbie ;D.. I only had about 1,5 days to travel around. That's why I named this post as 'Express Tour' as it was express literally.

My first impression about Melbourne was 'COLD' haha.. I came in spring so I could see how the flowers blooming in so many colour.. it was soo pretty. Let's start the story from the first place I visited.

It was the Melb version of Mahakam river haha.. I finally could play with pigeons along the river side ;DD




On the night of that day, my cousin picked me up n we went to 'Il Dolce Freddo', an ice cream store nearby Melbourne Uni. Its the best ice cream I've ever had in my life. The ice cream that can make you forget about your strict diet programme :D.

Isnt it lovely?? I'm dying to go back to Melbourne for 10 scoops of Freddo ice cream ha ha.. I'm sure I'll be back there someday ;)..

Ok, the next day was the true tour. I firstly went to the Shrine of Remembrance. That's a building to remember the Aussie men n women who served in World War I. It was one of the largest war memorial in Australia. Unfortunately, I came too early so that I couldn't enter the building.. but it was cool! I loved it.





Can you see how blue the sky was?? It was more amazing when you saw it live!

From the Shrine of Remembrance, we went across to the Botanical Garden. What I love most from this place is the fact that we can see the Rod Laver Arena from here hehehe.. I saw a lot of plants at the Botanical Garden. I never see some of them in Indonesia. I got something funny there. Banana trees couldn't grow up there..







From the Botanical Garden, we went to the Victoria Market. I really love this market. Very nice huehehe.. We did the family photo shoot here ;D



Then, I went to the City Loop. The Center of Melbourne. This is the place where you can find SCBD, shopping center, resto, street musician, art center, opera building, Flinders Street station, Parliament of Victoria,State Library, and many more! It was sooo crowded there but the Aussies made it easy. I love the way the Aussies live. Fast but relaxed.



Gosh! If only we had a library like this in Indonesia, I was sure that we would be smarter than we are now! You must see the entire of this library. Highly recommended. The fact that it;s nearby the shopping center makes it more fun to visit.




From the street musician, the way he played the piano..... awesome awesome awesome!. And Myer's Christmas window.. ha ha.. soo cute.. It was like a theater show on the street ;DD.. My nephew also loved it.




Visiting this Parliament building is a must when you go to Melbourne.. My father was dying to have a pic at this place n he got it!

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And then,, our express tour ended at the Flinders Street Station. Was an amazing day, exploring few parts of Melbourne. When I went back to Indonesia, I promised myself to visit Melbourne again next time ;DDD..

Coincidence

I never make a title first in writing a blog. Maybe some people will think that I have no direction. But actually I'm not a kind of person. For some things in life, of course I always make a title first but not for a blog since I really love talking ;D.

Have you ever spent your time to think more about 'coincidence'? In 500 days of Summer, they say

If Tom had learned anything... it was that you can't ascribe great cosmic significance to a simple earthly event. Coincidence, that's all anything ever is, nothing more than coincidence... Tom had finally learned, there are no miracles. There's no such thing as fate, nothing is meant to be. He knew, he was sure of it now.

I agree with the coincidence stuff but coincidence is also a fate. God arranges everything in life perfectly. Do you think that it's a purely coincidence if RAA system works when we're in dehydration state? Does insulin just work coincidentally when you eat? Isn't there something influence them all? I know that it's God, the One who arranges them all.

Then, what's so great about it? For me, it's amazing. What will this world be without a coincidence? You won't be able to make a surprise or feel surprised to anything. The best way to reach something or to meet our soulmate is by a coincidence. Your key falls down, someone takes it for you, you both see each other, introduce yourself, and walk together along the corridor. You talk, laugh, and find a chemistry. Still there's a possibility to live happily together ever after.

Or maybe.. you apply your abstract to an international conference and when the announcement day comes, they tell you 'congratulation, you're accepted'. Isn't it nice? Well,coincidence doesn't always bring u a good story but also the bad one. But who cares? You'll know, sooner or later, that coincidence makes you more grateful and see this life as the best present for you.

Sarcasm is THE BEST!

Life is hard..
It's bitter, sometimes sweet. But most of time it's bitter..
You can choose the way to face it. Either seriously or not.

Me? I choose the latter. Not because I'm not a serious one but it's a principle. It's so exhausting when you have to face everything seriously. Although maybe people will think that you're a wise person. But for me, I don't need a hundred people calling me wise. I just need to be happy.

Sarcastic comment always make me feel better. Some people take it seriously and make me feel uncomfortable. But I can't blame them too. Everyone comes from different place. It influences them much.

But for me, the more sarcastic it is, the better it would be. Since sometimes people out there do something unimportant and make everyone else angry. I don't like to show my anger but yes I like sarcastic comment better than anything else!

I Will Never Stop to Try It

One thing that I always wish in this life is being someone who can give something to the world. Not to change the world or make a history but to show my gratitude to the Creator. I always believe that God creates us for a reason and it’s our job to find that reason.

I used to think that someone who can give something to the world is someone who never or barely fails. And based on that understanding, i started to see myself. I found that I fell down so many times. I’ve ever been on top though but no one cares about your success when you fall down. You must know what I saw then.. I was only an ordinary little girl. No special thing about me.

But the best teacher in this world is the great people. I mean the real great people. Ones that always know how to be optimist, see themselves clearly, and always think twice to blame somebody else. They teach me that no matter how many times you fall down or feel like an idiot, you will always be you. I have to say this sentence loudly to myself... ‘I WILL ALWAYS BE ME’. The point is basically we were created same, with eyes to see, ears to hear, heart to pump the blood, and brain to think. What makes us different is the experience. Experience to be on the lowest and highest place, also the feeling to be in the middle. If Valentino didn’t fall so many times in his first season of GP500cc, he wouldn’t be the champion in the next season. But he always tries and I ALSO DON'T WANNA STOP TO TRY!

When you fall down, you learn how to stand up again in a better way. This is what I'm trying hard to learn now. Sometimes the system makes everything become so difficult and all you have to do is handling it well or at least trying to survive in the best way you can do. Life is a mystery. I lay my life on God’s hands. I don't wanna underestimate or overestimate myself anymore. Life becomes greater when we stop to take too much and start to give as much as we can.

Leaving

Watching the clock on the wall
Been a while since you’ve called
I cant help but wait
It’s late and i cant get into sleep
Something’s different this time
It just doesnt feel right
Have we broken in two?
Am i really gonna lose you tonight?
You come walking in
Tears in your eyes
Pretending like its alright
But i know you’re leaving
I know that smile
I can tell you’ve been crying
You’re gonna say goodbye
I wish i could stop you but you’ve made up your mind
I beg you dont go
But i already know you’re leaving
Where does the time go?
Between goodbye and hello
How did we come to this? Is there something we missed
Along the way
With your bag at the door
I wanna pull you in close
And hold you once more even though
Chorus
Here comes the sleepless nights
Here comes the tears im gonna cry
Here comes the last goodbye leaving us behind
Oh this cant be right
Chorus to end

One thing I never like in this life is saying goodbye. We often use that word everyday though. Parents go to work, children go to school, children go home from school, end up conversation with boyfriend on phone at night, finish the lecture or party, etc. For them above, we always say goodbye. So, whats the point then? I say it everyday but i never like goodbye. Is it only because I see it from different point of view? Maybe. Sometimes a word feels stronger when we put a tension on it. You know, how many ‘hello’ do we say everyday? And can u still feel the difference between the usual hello and hello to an old friend that u havent met for a long time? Or maybe with ur ex boyfriend? I bet the sensation is much different and so is with goodbye.

Mr. Goodbye is one of my favorite Korean dramas. It was a sad ending drama. I cried a lot when i watched it. The dying man in this film never said goodbye directly to his girlfriend. In his heart, he wanted to stay for one more hour to be with his lover. This story is much different with the one that I recently read. I have just read Tuesdays with Morrie. Morrie wasnt afraid to say goodbye and he did it in a special way. He put Mitch’s hand on his chest, right on his heart, and said ‘this is goodbye’. Well, I know that u can see the difference. Hyun Seoh wanted to live as he had found what he’d been longing for whereas Morrie was so willing to let his soul go since he had enjoyed his own life. There are many ways to leave this world but for me there are only 2 choices. You can beg for a bit longer life or you accept ur death without fighting.

I always wanna be Morrie. I wanna die without regret. Morrie shew me the way. In order to get a willingness like he once had, I have to enjoy every breathe that I take. It seems so cliche, easy, and ignored but if you really do it, you will know that Morrie was right. Well, i’ll make it simple. Have you ever thought to go back to the past? Have u ever envied someone younger? If so, ask to yourself then, why? For me, I also ever felt the same, it was because I felt that there was something missing in my past. One thing that I wasnt brave enough to do. Something that I never ask clearly to someone. Something that I could’ve never had again. One thing that I always feel sorry for till today. And that something missing has made me to be someone like Hyun Seoh. I substitute something I never have with something else and it doesnt satisfy me in any way. I think I’ve become frozen for some things. For exampe, I never let myself give a second chance for man. How pity I am.

I know its hard to pure myself anymore. But I still have choices for the way I die and I’ve decided to die without regret. The way I leave must be the best way I can do. So from now on, I promise to myself to enjoy every second I have. I havent been able to make it perfectly yet but we’re all learning. Dont get me wrong, I’m not depressed ;p. I just wanna tell you that death isnt that evil, it can be a present for some people. And i wanna be a part of those lucky people.

Byeee.. See you later!

My fave note ;D

God didn't promise days without pain,
laughter without sorrow,
sun without rain,
but God did promise strength for the day,
comfort for the tears,
and light for the way

Disappointments are like road humps,
they slow you down a bit,
but you enjoy the smooth road afterward,
don't stay on the humps too long. Move on!

When you feel down because you didn't get what you want,
just sit tight and be happy
because God is thinking of something better to give you

When something happens to you, good or bad, consider what it means

There's a purpose to life's events, to teach you how to laugh more
or not to cry too hard

You can't make someone loves you
all you can do is being someone who can be loved
the rest is up to the person to realize your worth

The measure of love is when you love without measure.
In life there are very rare chances
that you'll meet the person you love and loves you in return

So once you have it, don't ever let go,
the chance might never come your way again

It's better to lose your pride to the one you love,
than to lose the one you love because of pride

We spend too much time looking for the right person to love
or finding fault with those we already love
when instead we should be perfecting the love we give

When you truly care for someone,
you don't look for faults,
you don't look for answers,
you don't look for mistakes,
Instead,
you fight the mistakes,
you accept the faults,
and you overlook the excuses

Never abandon an old friend
You will never find one who can take his place
Friendship is like wine, it gets better as it grows older

why why why... love is so complicated..

I dedicate this to someone.. maybe the most precious one for me..

There's one thing that i wanna ask u..
do u still feel the heartbeating or lil bit of happiness whenever u receive my message?

In fact, i still feel that so.. then right after ur first message, i always want more n i'll send u a message again with the question that i think u'd be excited to reply...

Huhhhh..

Am I too stupid?
Why did I allow u stealing my heart long ago?
Why didn't I let u go at the first time u came?
n the best question of all is..

Y ARE U STILL IN MY HEART?

I've ever said that i've forgotten u olredi by getting over our memories but do u have the best answer to explain this hearbeating?

I dont know whether it still takes any longer time to let u go..

I'm so tired being like this.. I never wanna wait for you..

but my lymbic system and my 38th Broadmann area still ask me to feel the feeling that i once ever had for u n remember u..

I miss the way we were when we were walking together to school..

Please tell me, either thru dream or message, what u feel n what u want as I wonder about them..

my very bestfriends

it's such a very nice thing to know that some people care about me and here they aaarrrreeeeee..

starting from d eldest one hehe..

madir (irmadani apriningrum)... the blue ranger.. i always wonder y she can be my bestfriend hehehe.. eniwei, aku kenal dia pas kelas 1 smp.. kalem gitu anaknya.. such a sweet gal with long hair.. okelah pokoknya.. ga ada tanda2 klo she's a very abnormal one.. Kelas 2 smp dia potong rambut n like a domino effect, semua kepribadiannya terbukaaaa haha.. Sekarang she's crazy abt queen Seon Deok n acts as if she were the Queen haha..

ika-dear (ika prawita sari)... the yellow mellow sweet gal hehehe.. she's my eldest dearest sista for me.. kadir ni ada di semua 'social society' yang pernah aku masuki,, starting fr POGB, GT2M, 4 sekawan 3J, n gs3.. So, no wonder if i miss her soooo muuuccccccchhhhhhhhh..

tris-dear (trisna wulansari)... the black with a pure white heart.. she's a woman and a man at the same time.. the gs3's bodyguard n my sista in Nate's fam.. aku sekelas ma tris-dear waktu kelas XI.. huhu.. i miss my 11th classmates now.. i remember klo qta sering makan bareng.. asoy bgt dah sambil ngeliatin c domi adu mulut ma eci, arie nyanyi2 ga jelas, meli pacaran ma koko, cie cie ubu foto2 ma olan, de el el.. n qta berdua makan dengan cantiknya sambil ngereview cerita film 'jewel in the palace' malam sebelumnya hihihihi..

lhala-dear (maulani faradina salilana)... the red one.. anggota gs3 yang paling centil hahaha.. she's now here in yk with me n one thing i'm sure is that she looooooovvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssss me so much and so do I hehe.. klo ceritaan ma lhala tuh ya ga jauh2 dari masalah get married, wisata kuliner, ma tiket yk-smd yang selalu ada di tangan jauh sebelum libur haha.. she's an MC, photographer, n gs3's archie..

nichi, my mother (nichita heryananda putri).. she loves orange and she's my mother.. bisa dibilang dia yang paling dewasa dan paling bijak di antara kami tapi dia juga yang paling hobi nemuin hal2 lucu yg bikin gs3 beda.. nichi ini artisnya gs3 lhooo..

ndhul (rindha maretha kusumawatie).. sometimes aku bingung kenapa di antara sekian banyak warna, ndul suka warna ungu?? eniwei, dia senasib ma aku kalo soal keluar rumah.. kami anak pingitan haha...

amink (muhaemin nur achmad) n faisal (abdul madjid faisal).. 2 cowok ni punya kepribadian berbeda.. amink orangnya moody tapi care whereas faisal is a troublemaker hihihi..

ida (asnidar rahman).. ida ni bukan anggota gs3 tapi dia bestfrenku sejak smp.. di yang nyimpen semua aib dan first love story-ku hihihi..

mimin (minda wulandari).. she's my keeper.. sekarang di yk juga ma aku hehe..

didi (diaz).. cicit nate's fam

ubu (trisna widyani).. ini kakakku yang nomor 2, kembarannya tris-dear. She's also my chinese language teacher hehe.. sekarang dia lagi di china.. huhu,, miss her so..

m. radinal pascari (domi).. referensi KD terlengkap.. klo kita dah ngumpul di yk n ga ada domi, dijamin ga heboh.. domi ni juga nyambi jadi tukang pijat n facial kita2 hihihi...

eci (desy ariani).. si cantik yg ketawanya heboh..

arie (arie mirza).. i have no word to say about him hihihihi..

anggi (anggriani profita).. nah dia ini sahabatku sejak kelas 2 smp,, makin lengket pas kelas 3 smp. sayangnya qta ga 1 sma tapi howeva,, the party hasn't ended yet.. we still stay connected until now.. many things happen between us but i hope our friendship will last forever :)

nda (hendra).. klo tadi aku bingung mau ngomong apa tentang arie karena aku cuma bisa geleng2 kepala ngeliat kelakuan anak itu, sekarang aku juga bingung mau ngomong apa tentang hendra karena he's more than words for me.. i call our friendship as 'friendship in the making' coz our friendship process really takes a very long time.. he's my friend in everything n he's the best 1 to gamble with haha.. we can talk anything from a very small unimportant thing until a very serious one.. it's always fun with him ;p

ooo.. i'm blessed very berry much with ya ol...

Never Knew I Needed

for the way you changed my plans
for being the perfect distraction
for the way you took the idea that i have
of everything that i wanted to have
and made me see there was something missing
for the ending of my first begin
and for the rare and unexpected friend

for the way you’re something that i never choose
but at the same time something i don’t wanna lose
and never wanna be without ever again

my accidental happily (ever after)
the way you smile and how you comfort me (with your laughter)
i must admit you were not a part of my book
but now if you open it up and take a look
you’re the beginning and the end of every chapter

who’d knew that i’d be here
so unexpectedly
undeniablely happy
said with you right here, right here next to me

girl you’re the..
you’re the best thing i never knew i needed
so when you were here i had no idea
you’re the best thing i never knew i needed
so now it’s so clear i need you here always
baby baby
now it’s so clear i need you here always

you’re the best thing i never knew i needed
so when you were here i had no idea
you’re the best thing i never knew i needed
so now it’s so clear i need you here always

the world i live in

the world i live in..

isn't as pretty as i saw when i was child

but it still gives me its best since as God's promise..